Although this isn’t specifically gender-related, this is a progressive blog, and I think it is without warrant that we should be actively engaged in what is going on. Media literacy as a method of examining our daily intake of messages is a productive format, and in all fairness the State of the Union was a huge media event. I’m not going to make a bunch of grandiose connections between a more gender liberal society and any of the proposals put forth tonight, but at the same time, I think we can see how becoming a more progressive, well-educated society can benefit change in many directions, so i’ll note a few of those.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Alleviation

This is probably the closest to home for gender progression. Although, it is true I often try to separate sexual orientation, sex, and gender, I think it is a valid point to bring across that the military (which is very gendered towards masculinity even for women) will be absolved of their policies in order to allow openly gay and lesbian people join the military. Although this may not breakthrough as a gender win specifically, I think the more liberal the nation becomes surrounding gay issues, the further they become open to transgender, gender bending, and gender neutral though processes. On a completely separated from gender side of things, this is a great stress and weight lifted off of gays and lesbians living in the closet in the military. This doesn’t come as a complete surprise as Obama has elected a transgender to the commerce department of government. Although he didn’t make a comment on gay marriage. I have a feeling he is for it (given his current mode of thinking and decision-making), but at this point in the game a decision like that could be political suicide.

Education

There were a few announcements in regard to education surrounding loans, grants, and public service loan forgiveness. Although these policies do not directly relate, I think education is key to a liberal environment (or at the very least open-mindedness). This isn’t a fact by any means, but I know from growing up in a very rural setting with a conservative high school education, I did not start thinking overly progressive until I stepped outside of that education system into alternative environments. But, also coming from a low income background, I would not have really been submitted to other viewpoints (where I could choose how I felt), without the Upward Bound program (that helps first-generation, low-income, high school students get to college). With the options to make education more accessible, I think this will pull the nation into a place that remains more open-minded (which hopefully would open up to other expressions – I know its a stretch, but its on my wishlist).

On the very straight-forward side, all his plans go very deeply and intelligently together between jobs, spending, education, etc, and I think it all connects to this really elegant quote :

“In America, no one should go broke because they chose to go to college”

There you have it, I really feel like education is a key part of this journey. A lot of the concerns raised in this blog are about how to read the media, how to digest messages, how to have conversations, and I think those are all abilities we construct through education, discussion, and involvement. I think that is the key point in relation to the purpose of understanding culture and raising media literacy (although a tangential goal)

Just some thoughts for the day, if you have any let’s hear them!

So, I was in the mall the other day with a friend when something happened that has not happened since high school – harassment from a total stranger(s)! I was walking just as “normally” as I could and a group of young males (freshman to sophomore level in high school) walk by and shout “can you teach us to be cool?”. At first, I didn’t even know they said this to me , but soon realized. I was baffled about why they even said such a thing but deducted it probably had something to do with my piercings (I have a bunch) or possible that my hair was styled. Regardless, I brushed it off — “damn high school kids”.

About 5 minutes later, we saw the same group of students, but this time they shouted from across the other side of the mall walkway — “Hey, is that your girlfriend, or are you gay?”. This time I was baffled beyond belief. A mixture of laughing and pure anger filled me.

There are so many levels to dig into this comment. I was not so winded as to never have been called gay before (I’ve always realized I was not a “typical guy”), but rather that this would happen in such an open place. One contributing factor on their part was for sure the fact that they were all together, which makes them more masculine. It was funny to see a huge group of girls walking in front of them the first time we saw them because it just indicates to me that the culture of “men and women cannot be friends outside of a love relationship” perpetuated. Now, my optimistic side would like to say that high school has gotten better, but when something like this happens — it makes me think it has gotten worse. I really have nothing to back up either statement.

The mall is also a very symbolic place for this to happen. A place that congregates stereotypes through it’s shops and it’s shoppers. (also, what better place to challenge gender norms).

I actually had a dream that night that me and a few friends were hanging out playing board games (in Hannaford for some reason), and they kids came back. One of them separate from the group and came to apologize to me (though he was only about 12). He quickly tried to run-off, but I held him back for a moment and said “why did you do that in the first place” and he replied — “because I wanted to fit in”, then he started crying and said “what they don’t know is that I am gay”. The rest of the dream is irrelevant, but I think I had a pretty sociological dream there. With statistics the way they are, each one of those young males know someone who is gay, and I really hope they do not treat them with utter disrespect, but if they are willing to treat a random person who doesn’t fit a typical male stereotype in the mall (public) like that — something tells me they go a lot further on their own grounds.

The biggest piece of this, and a huge pet peeve of mine is that a straight man cannot be friends with a girl without it meaning something. Now, this is because our culture believes gender and sex are the same thing. Growing up, I was always called gay (whether it be in a negative or just friendly yet presumptuous way — or in the way that people said I was in denial. I think that is interesting that people’s views on gender are so embedded that they couldn’t even accept that i was both atypical and straight?!?!) because I had a lot of girl friends, was sensitive, hated sports, was active in school, got good grades, etc. I have dealt with that my whole life, which isn’t a huge deal. I don’t think it’s overly important to tell people I am straight all the time because by contesting it all the time, I am almost saying that it would be a horrible thing if I were gay. Sometime I will throw in that I am straight because I think it means something a lot different (especially to women) to see men that are both straight and deconstructing the MAN BOX. People (like those students in the mall) do not even understand what GENDER IS, and that people can act a certain way and that does not dictate what their sexual orientation is (or that gay, straight, and bi are only 3 of about 40+ known sexual orientations). I really cannot wait for the day where people realize the differences between gender and sex. Even though it’s not a huge deal to constantly be thought of as gay when in fact people are really trying to say “you are an atypical male”, it would be nice for the culture to realize a difference.

At times, I wonder where I got so much of my atypical male persona, but sometimes I see or re-examine things from my childhood, and I can tell right off where it came from. I think any form of outcasting allows people to be more open (although sometimes it allows school shootings, but we’ve talked about that). I know a lot of my life I was teased and such because I had asthma (it seems ridiculous to look back and think that I was teased for having a medical condition I could not control). This made me weak and unable to play sports or participate in gym oftentimes. Since I was outcasted, I kept to myself, and probably did not get a lot of the peer messages that people get. I think a lot of times the societal norm structure infects 4 – 5 friends then they pick up and share those traits (like being hyper-masculine). When I eventually did form friendships, they were with girls (probably because society was telling them to be sensitive and nice). From them on out (til this very day) women have been my primary sect of friends. I find it ridiculout that culture dictates so much of who we are, and also that people are so willing to accept it themselves. Now I just reject those gender norms because I can see how blatant they are. It’s really sickening how saturated our culture is with this…disease. I look at front page AOL or MSN news and it’s so gendered, I don’t see how everyone could not notice it.

Because of how I grew up with “girl friends” a lot, I adopted more “feminine” qualities than masculine. When I was younger, my mom and i were very close, so I did a lot of things like cook in the kitchen with her, etc. Now, doing all these “girl” things — did not make me gay. It’s disconcerting to think that the general public cannot distinguish. I get it though, we base our primary opinions of people based on gender stereotypes, yadda yadda yadda, but this really constricts people to choose “boy or girl” and not — I can play sports and wear a dress (boy or girl). Until we deconstruct what it means to be a boy or a girl, we cannot fully do all of the things we want. I am sure one of the teens in that crown would love to go to an animal shelter and help little kittens (or – insert female related activity here), but will that happen? Given his current attitude about the world and what it means to be a man, i’d say no.

Life is too short to let other people dictate what you can do with your body and your mind. I truly feel that no one WANTS to hold down other people and that it is the greater struggle to gain respect in our culture. We need to find other ways to gain respect from each other that does not include putting down others.

Below is a list of 10 things men can do to End Violence Against women, but really, I think if men were to do these things, they would end violence against other men, they would end the perpetuation of what it means to be a man, and so much more. (http://www.acalltomen.com) :

1. Acknowledge and understand how sexism, male dominance and male privilege lay the foundation for all forms of violence against women.

2. Examine and challenge our individual sexism and the role that we play in supporting men who are abusive.

3. Recognize and stop colluding with other men by getting out of our socially defined roles, and take a stance to end violence against women.

4. Remember that our silence is affirming. When we choose not to speak out against men’s violence, we are supporting it.

5. Educate and re-educate our sons and other young men about our responsibility in ending men’s violence against women.

6.”Break out of the man box”- Challenge traditional images of manhood that stop us from actively taking a stand to end violence against women.

7. Accept and own our responsibility that violence against women will not end until men become part of the solution to end it. We must take an active role in creating a cultural and social shift that no longer tolerates violence against women.

8. Stop supporting the notion that men’s violence against women is due to mental illness, lack of anger management skills, chemical dependency, stress, etc… Violence against women is rooted in the historic oppression of women and the outgrowth of the socialization of men.

9. Take responsibility for creating appropriate and effective ways to develop systems to educate and hold men accountable.

10. Create systems of accountability to women in your community. Violence against women will end only when we take direction from those who understand it most, women.

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Now, the situation i had in the mall was portrayed through utter ignorance of our culture, but I think it exemplifies how young men will act so accordingly to attain that alpha male image. I’m sure their parents wouldn’t like them heckling random people in the mall. I think it’s a general consensus today to not be filled with feelings of hate towards others, but somewhere along the gender messages they received they felt it was easier to just go along with them, instead of challenging them and saying “this isn’t right”. I honestly hope that somewhere along their educational path, they learn a tolerance for others, and realize that having piercings? (if that was the reason) does not make a person gay.. (or “cool” for that matter).

I don’t know where else to go with this, I just wanted to share the experience and a pet peeve of mine (which I wish was a pet peeve of all people).

gender sex