Sometimes it’s hard to find A.) Music that does not mention the word “bitch”, “ho”, or another derogatory word
in it, especially on the radio, and B.) go one step beyond that and find music with a very positive AND progressive message (lots of children’s music is positive, but may not be progressive).
In an effort to steer people in some directions of some media that is either hopeful or critical of certain gender related topics, I want to try to post at least 1 “alternative a week”.
That brings me to musician Lily Holbrook. Her sound is very dim, almost morose, and I wouldn’t say as an artist all her music is overly progressive, but one song on the album “Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt” titled “Bleed” has a very positive message embedded about the state of unrealistic expectations (for female body image) and even uses that phrase. Sometimes we can see progressive messages between the lines, but I find it really helpful (especially for teenagers) if there is some media out there that has equally blatant messages as those we hear on the radio on the other side of the spectrum.
It is always my position to educate and not erradicate. Some of the music on the radio has some really good beats. I think the problem comes in when we don’t really listen to the lyrics and wonder why everything has to be about sex, and it cannot be about community or friendship or other positive messages.
Lily’s “Bleed” really tackles the depression and feelings that come about when we feel as if we cannot measure up to the media’s messages.
(Also Note : Gender Relations New Media Player! Playing From PINK to BLUE)
Click Play For – “Bleed” by Lily Holbrook.
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Gloss over all those magazines
Painted with plastic surgery
And replace so easily
By a girl like you or me
Expectations are unrealistic
Between the mirror and the tube of lipstick
You thought you’d be what they wanted you to be
Thought you could be what they wanted you to be
But you’ll never be what they wanted you to be
‘Cause you bleed
Bleed
Sad, pathetic little me
Never thought I’d be so eager to please
And replaced so easily
By a girl like you or me
You thought you’d be what they wanted you to be
Thought you could be what they wanted you to be
But you’ll never be what they wanted you to be
‘Cause you bleed
Bleed
You see, the world is different now
Everybody’s different now
Everybody needs a little fixing up
But when’s it gonna stop
‘Cause I don’t even recognize you anymore
Do you love yourself now?
Do you love yourself now?
Gloss over all those magazines
Painted with plastic surgery
You thought you’d be what they wanted you to be
Thought you could be what they wanted you to be
But you’ll never be what they wanted you to be
‘Cause you bleed
Although music is highly interpretable, the main question becomes what does “Bleed” specifically refer to. It could be quite literal to the problem. Many women (and men), use cutting as a means to deal with their depression and feelings of isolation. It could be a metaphor for the internal pain, it could also mean the literal blood that some women draw in order to look “beautifulI” (she cites modeling and plastic surgery). For me, it means all of these things, and I think it’s a really powerful song for young girls and boys to hear, that they don’t have to look to those places, and feel so alone because they are fabrications.
I could not live without music, but better yet I couldn’t live without music that truly makes me think. Of course, we listen to music on the radio, in our car, while we work, while we eat, etc., but when I listen to music, I normally listen to the lyrics — what is the message the song is sending. This is one reason I really cannot relate to mainstream music, I feel the messages are bogged down with oppression for individuality. I cannot relate to a lot of mainstream rap because I feel it degrades women (and over-emphasizes a capitalistic lifestyle), so I find my range of music adjusting into indie a lot of times. Even though this happens, there are usually decent messages, but every so often, very progressive messages comes along. Now, one has to be careful with messages of progression because they could just be subterfuge to get people to think one thing but are really prescribing to another (see my post about Avril Lavigne), and although I am not sure the background of Saving Jane, I really liked this song when I found it. I have done some work with gender roles in fairy tales and how our culture still is creating the “same ole fairy tale”, and this song a girl (princess) realizes she does not need to live in that fairy tale!
BETTER DAY
I have been asleep so long now
All locked up without a key
I have tapped my feet impatient
For a change to come to me
I’ve been hanging my hair
Outside this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It’s gonna be a better day
I think I’m gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It’s allright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can’t take what’s mine
I’ve been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It’s gonna be a better day
Every princess has a castle
Some kind of honor to defend
I would rather fight my battlews
Than hide behind a thousand men
I’ve been hanging my hair
Outside of this tower
Waiting for a savior
When all along, I had the power to save myself
And I can tell
It’s gonna be a better day
I think I’m gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It’s allright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can’t take what’s mine
I’ve been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It’s gonna be a better day
I gotta make my own luck
I gotta find my own way
I gotta see that there is more to life than just existing
I wanna be living
It’s gonna be a better day
I think I’m gonna be okay
Got a little air to breathe
It’s allright with me
I got a little light to shine
You can’t take what’s mine
I’ve been down so low
Nowhere but up to go
So go ahead, bring on the rain
It’s gonna be a better day
I think Saving Jane has been on some Disney album before, so I think this is a nice message to be sending young girls, that they have the power to be who they want. She also has a song called One Girl Revolution. Although a few of her other songs take on messages around addiction (nicotine, alcohol), there is something to be said about breaking away from the fairy tale (reference to Rapunzel in this song). I find it interesting that so often parents do not question “traditions” that have been around for ages to pass along to their children, like fairy tales. There is so much gendering that happens in fairy tales, which is just one of a hundred ways parents subconsciously gender their children. I know if I ever have children I am showing them Free To Be You And Me (see my post here : http://www.wavinghand.com/gender_relations/?p=13). There is some great alternative media / stories if people were to seek them out, and I think this song helps get at breaking the helplessness of females in fairy tales!
This is going to be a relatively short blog because I want to just post a song and talk about it for a few minutes. I am a huge fan of progressive music that relates to gender issues (or any sociological issues really). Superchic[k] is a band that deals with a lot of girl empowerment, deconstruction of stereotypes, body image kind of music, which is right up the alley for progressive forms of media for this blog. I often like to critique the paradigms that are intruding on our senses and personal portrayals in this society, but it is good to be positive and look at media that really shines to exemplify a truly better way to interact. Now, I think this was evident in the “free to be you and me” post, this post is more about media that critiques cultural norms (and other times other media). Sometimes the only way to bout with a system is to use the same forms of communication in order to get the point across that there are problems embedded in the system.
The song I want to feature is called “Courage” which deals with eating disorders. Now, I have only heard maybe one or two other songs that deal with eating disorders so outwardly and blatently. I’ll post the song then highlight a few key moments in verse.
I told another lie today
And I got through this day
No one saw through my games
I know the right words to say
Like “I don’t feel well”
“I ate before I came”
Then someone tells me how good I look
and for a moment
For a moment I am happy
But when I’m alone
No one hears me cry
I need you to know
I’m not through the night
Some days I’m still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we’ll be okay
Together we can make it through another day
I don’t know the first time I felt unbeautiful
The day I chose not to eat
What I do know is how I changed my life forever
I know I should know better
There are days when I’m okay
And for a moment
For a moment I find hope
But there are days when I’m not okay
And I need your help
So I’m letting go
I need you to know
I’m not through the night
Some days I’m still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we’ll be okay
Together we can make it through another day
You should know you’re not on your own
These secrets are walls that keep us alone
I don’t know when but I know now
Together we’ll make it through somehow
Together we’ll make it through somehow
I need you to know
I’m not through the night
Some days I’m still fighting to walk towards the light
I need you to know
That we’ll be okay
Together we can make it through another day
First of all, I know superchic[k] knows what they are talking about because they often receive fanmail and letters from listeners about persona situations, plus eating disorders are so typical in teenagers (and adult women these days). I don’t want to say men do not have these same disorders, but the statistics are overwhelming given the media images of how a “perfect” woman fits into our culture.
They do a fantastic job of digging into the core issues of eating disorders as well. Admitting secrecy is so often such a huge part of this problem. I am sure we all know someone who has had an eating disorder and we do not even know it.
The chorus has gender prescription written all over it. “Someone tells me how good I look, and for a moment, I feel happy”. So much of female pride comes at the hands of being accepted into the ideal image of what it means to be a girl.
Just today, a friend and I were having a conversation about body image. She fits very well into the ideal images of what girls are “supposed to look like” and she told me that she still feels not thin enough at times, and we talked a lot about food consumption. Our culture both gives us the worst options in nutrition and does not focus core nutrition for all (easier and cheaper to stop at McDonalds and get a $1 burger, than make a salad and have a whole wheat sandwich). There are so much about eating disorders that has to do with class structure as well — if someone cannot afford proper nutrition they may end up weighing more, which is said to be horrible — therefore feel forced into eating disorder.
The fact that any person needs to look to others for true happiness is not instinctively a negative thing. We are a social culture and who we are is very much shaped by other people and how we interact with them, but when the norms of a society inhibit a person’s ability to self-actualize, it becomes a problem. Gender construction is very hardcore when it comes to fulfilling idealistic images of body. Many girls who have eating disorders are already underweight. We talk so often about overweight people that even using the term underweight seems off the beaten path.
Marshall Mcluhan said “the media is the message”, which has been debated and talked about since he said it, but there is so much truth and implication behind the statement. We are affected by every image we see out there, and no one ever takes accountability. I think media such as the “Truth Ads” that tackle the tobacco problem do a phenomenal job with portraying the negative effects of smoking. With something like smoking there isn’t much debate though — it kills (regardless of opinions). On the other hand, something like body image or gender construction — everyone can (and does) have a different outlook. If we, as people in this society, determine that the images and scenarios that are given to us are not ones that we choose to accept, we must TAKE media and form it in our own ways to portray alternative images of people portraying alternative lives. That, in part, is what this blog’s focus is — to provide a hub for alternative media, as well as point out the flaws in a media that puts us into a box.
Until girls can grow up in a world where a size 2 is not “fat”, I think there will be work to be done in gender deconstruction. There are many points of liftoff to look at gender arguments (i.e. until men can cry in public or women are not questioned in atypical professors such as automechanic), but body image is so concretely related to sexuality, that we must preserve the right to look the way we were born. Though a lot of the things in this blog will relate to sexuality (just by the fact that so much social gendering implies thoughts and reactions of sexuality), which is a core biological need. What does it say about our culture when we use gender as a way to inhibit the ultimate goal of the human species (to make more of us). Though that is a huge topic best dealt with more in depth on another blog, it seems that gender prescriptions keep us confined to one way of living instead of multiple possibilities.
As a society, we are often option-happy, constantly looking for 5 different alternatives to any form of consumer product. We enjoy alternate endings of films and crave a car that comes in 20 different colors or a popsicle that comes in 15 different flavors, but why are we so subscribed to having only two genders who’s only options are those that were dicated before we were even born?
food for thought if nothing else (because food is healthy and we should all be eating to a degree that both fills us up and makes us healthy without overstepping or understepping the bounds of what is nutritional regardless of the images of idealistic persons who control mainstream media).
Thank You Avril Lavigne for leading the forefront of “non-conformist conformists”. See, this is a tad personal. I used to be a huge Avril fan. I used to think that she stood for standing apart from the crowd, challenging norms, all of the great things about “being liberal”. Her second album talked about abuse, broken homes, and living life to it’s fullest, then she took sabbatical from all these values – got a make over (with some plastic surgery), and suddenly she is the BEST DAMN THING — according to her new album. There is much wrong with her new album in the way of gender, but the worst is her newly released video. Hot off the internet reels take a look : (the lyrics are right below the video if you want to follow along)
Let me hear you say hey hey hey
Alright
Now let me hear you say hey hey ho
I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the door
even though I told him yesterday and the day before
I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the tab
And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad
Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they’ll finally see
[Chorus:]
That you’re not not not gonna get any better
You won’t won’t won’t you won’t get rid of me never
Like it or not, even though she’s a lot like me
We’re not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I’m a lot to handle
You don’t know trouble, I’m a hell of a scandal
Me, I’m a scene, I’m a drama queen
I’m the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
Alright, alright
Yeah
I hate it when a guy doesn’t understand
Why a certain time of month I don’t wanna hold his hand
I hate it when they go out, and we stay in
And they come home smelling like their ex girlfriends
I found my hopes, I found my dreams
My Cinderella story scene
Now everybody’s gonna see
[Chorus]
Give me an A (always give me what I want)
Give me a V (be very very good to me)
R (are you gonna treat me right)
I (I can put up a fight)
Give me an L (let me hear you scream loud)
One, two, three, four
Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they’ll finally see
[Chorus]
Now, I don’t even think I NEED TO POINT OUT THE WRONGNESS WITH THIS SONG, but I will do it anyways. There quite possible could be many more levels of dark age gendering than even I can find, but let’s start with the basics. It is easy to construe this song as a “positive girl power proverb” but I think it’s also easy to see the very patriarchical values and female submissiveness within her lyrics as well.
I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the door
even though I told him yesterday and the day before
I hate it when a guy doesn’t get the tab
And I have to pull my money out and that looks bad
OKAY, well she wants chivalry once again (and she wants it bad, she’s DEMANDING IT). She wants a guy to be her slave, which could be interpreted two ways – both of which are nothing to be proud of.
Matriarchy - there is a possibility her terms are to set things straight and be on top, but matriarchy is not a better system than patriarchy because if people have power over each other does it really matter which gender it is?
Helplessness - can you not open your own door? It’s no secret that a huge gender stereotype for men is to protect and serve women (and yet degrade them?). Regardless, it is easy to see that if she wants a guy to open the door, she can’t do it herself. To me that’s a huge slap in the face to the female population to say “guys have to do stuff for us”. There’s a difference of being nice to someone and helping them out and doing something because it is both expected and prescribed to your gender role.
BUT WAIT, Let’s not forget she also hates it when “a guy doesn’t get the tab” because if Avril Lavigne (working woman with millions and millions of dollars) puts HER OWN money out, it looks bad. This also says two things to me.
Same Old Roles – there is part of this that may be saying “even though I have money and fame, I am still a woman” and is held down by those ideals. Even though some women are strong and unique, there are still parts of their lives that conform to gender norms. It is hard to speculate because it is such a personal detail, but also because fame is a whole other paradigm of gender roles.
Sold Out – bell hooks explains about the same thing happening to Madonna “selling out”. Avril will do what it takes to make money, and if that includes making music that seems like a 15 year old would be singing in her diary, so be it. It’s hard to blame Avril, for millions of dollars would you sing a song about guys opening doors for you – probably so.
The part that annoys me most about this portion of the song is that she has money and she has fame — why would she need a guy to get the tab? Although possible unconnected, a lot of this behavior seemed to happen after she got married.
NEXT ON THE LIST :
Where are the hopes, where are the dreams
My Cinderella story scene
When do you think they’ll finally see
[Chorus:]
That you’re not not not gonna get any better
You won’t won’t won’t you won’t get rid of me never
Like it or not, even though she’s a lot like me
We’re not the same
And yeah yeah yeah I’m a lot to handle
You don’t know trouble, I’m a hell of a scandal
Me, I’m a scene, I’m a drama queen
I’m the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen
This next part gets ultra-annoying as she is talking about the above things (men holding doors and paying for her) as hopes and dreams. What signal is this telling little girls – that hopes and dreams are made up of what a man can provide for you and do for you — a true fairy tale. Now we won’t talk too much about Cinderella today because I have entire projects about construction of gender in fairy tales, but you can imagine what sorts of things I have to say about “princesses”.
The chorus recreates the same gender stereotypes that teenage girls are sassy, brassy, and snobby. She gives a lot of attitude and tries to pull away from the mainstream, but is being a drama queen what anybody really wants to hear about. Then the self-righteous “best damn thing your eyes have every seen” really puts the cherry on top of the “i’m so pretty and beautiful, cater to me”. Now some of this lingo may seem progressive for women, but Avril Lavigne looks a certain way. She may dress “alternatively” (which has been majorly changed with her new favorite color being pink – go figure), but her messages do not co-incide for everyone.
LASTLY :
I hate it when a guy doesn’t understand
Why a certain time of month I don’t wanna hold his hand
I hate it when they go out, and we stay in
And they come home smelling like their ex girlfriends
Now, speaking on this issue as someone who does not experience a period is just hearsay, but I have many friends that are girls, and there are certain times of the months my friends don’t turn in to “raving bitches” – which is the fun stereotype that Avril (A GIRL!!!) is trying to re-create. Now, we won’t get into the matter too deeply, but I don’t think it is necessary for AVRIL to speak on every female and how they act during their periods.
The next part seems to be put in there solely to throw a stab at stereotyping men. Most of the song stays focused to giving women their traditional roles, but this is one where men can continually be cheaters! I don’t know about all you readers, but I have never cheated in my life. There is a HUGE contradiction in her lyrics here because she is all for “shattering what women can and cannot do” (though this song seems rather the contrary). Nevertheless she says “we stay in” – why do women have to stay in? Is that a choice or a gender construction she is creating ONCE AGAIN. She is telling all the teenage girls out there that their boyfriends are going to cheat on them when they are out (because no doubt the hidden context is that men are disgusting pigs — I wonder if her husband is a disgusting pig….?).
I was on her myspace and looking at her pictures and saw this one girl comment “you are so pretty, I wish I looked like you, but I am too fat”
– now if Avril Lavinge was a counter-culture icon (first of all she wouldn’t be on mainstream radio and writing material like this), it would seem obvious that atypical features of beauty are just as welcome. I felt so bad for the girl that posted it because she aspires to be someone else, someone who is “hot” (avril actually has a song called “hot” on her new album, and in the video she is on a stripper pole). What are teenage girls to think when “the best damn thing that your eyes have ever seen” is a 110 (guessing) lb. girl with long blonde hair, famous husband, tons of money, and is still not satisified? Could anyone hold a cup to her? Not in this society – so instead we get 13 year old girls on myspace thinking they are fat and ugly because they are no Avril Lavinge, which sounds to be “the worst damn thing that my ears have ever heard”.
We need to aspire to break these molds of traditional beauty and also gender roles. It’s a real feat for Mrs. Lavigne to have sung a song that is built entirely on recreating multiple gender norms. This possible could be one of the most saturated reinforced gender songs I have ever heard.
There is a lot wrong with the entire album (minus a few songs that were undoubtedly stuck in for traditional fans), but this song for sure takes the cake.
5 years ago I never thought I would be writing a blog talking about Avril Lavinge in a negative way, but it just goes to shows that enough money can change anything, but then again consumers have the choice. I refuse to support her in any way shape or form (which meant throwing away a lot of memoriabelia), but the important part of this lesson is to BECOME CRITICAL THINKERS. I am not saying “BOYCOTT AVRIL LAVIGNE” (though I would probably give you compliments for doing so), but more about saying “maybe i like this song, but ya know she’s using some crude stereotypes about men and women”. Some people can like something and still see something wrong with it. I personally, cannot.
I thought I would come back and post a side by side of AVRIL THEN AND NOW.
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